Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Its a choice to be happy.

I woke up this morning feeling blah. I think I use the word blah to describe my feelings whenever I am just overwhelmed and I choose to focus on the negativity surrounding me. The word blah is a way to acknowledge that I just don't feel like dealing with life right now.

I sat down and opened my journal. Usually doing this will help me realize why I am actually so down. At the end of the entry, a light bulb went off in my head. Or maybe just a realization. I can chalk up my problems which are so not problems in the grand scheme of things, to be this sort of road block in my life. Instead of letting things keep me down, I realized that its my choice to be happy. I mean why in the world am I letting the fact that I live in a condo, and really want to move into a spacious house get me down? That is ridiculous. Why am I stressing over the fact that I never took school seriously, and now I am at a point where I have 2 years left? Josh and I are at a point where we would like to think about Baby #2 (gasp!) but why can't I focus on the positive in that, rather than second guess every little thing in my life. No circumstances are ever going to be good enough. Life needs to be lived to the fullest every day.

At the end of the page, I wrote down the main things that Josh and I want in the next few years. And you know what? We'll get there. We own and live in a beautiful condo, we live in a great neighborhood, we have great health in our home, I am pursuing my degree, and Josh is continuing his job that we are so grateful for. So why am I complaining? The degree will come. The house will come. Baby #2 will come. A second income will come. But we need to practice patience now. Past mistakes, or shoulda, woulda, coulda's cannot consume my thoughts anymore. Josh and I are guilty of dreamin. But you know what? That's what I love about us. That just comforts me knowing we will get there, and we will have the life we want.We will have the house in the country where our kids can roam around the land, we will have the front porch that we can close our days and begin our mornings on, and we will have a sense of peace. I cannot focus my thoughts in the direction of envy, instead my focus needs to be on the here and now. Because 10 years from now, these moments will be known as the good ole days. Josh and I will reflect on these days with smiles and laughter knowing we crammed our first few lives together with babies in this place, this condo, our home. And we will reflect on how awesome it was to have time at home with Levi while I was in school, and while we are sippin' on our hot cocoa at Christmas time with our babies snuggled up next to us, we will share stories about how easy our life once was, when we had little money to spare.

Now enjoy a little photo shoot from today.


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