What hasn't been going on lately? My mind has been swirling non stop with thoughts lately and to-do lists before baby girl Lily makes her arrival in July. Yes I said it!
We were SHOCKED. I guess you could say that deep down I thought we were having a girl. But I didn't know if that was my true inclination or it was just my deepest hope to have a baby girl. Either way, most people said oh its a boy, and I really started to expect that. Well once the gooey wand was on my belly, baby girl had her legs spread wide open and the Tech said, "Wanna know now?" And I said, "there's a penis in there isn't there!?" and she said, "No, 100% a girl. Never been so sure!"
Josh and I just stared at each other in complete awe. We've always made comments about having a little girl, that was Josh's hope, and we were tickled by the thought. Its no longer a thought, its really happening! Watch out Pinterest, Etsy DIY projects, and Nursery decorating!
So here goes why my mind is swirling. Regarding birth. Okay I know my first go round with Levi I was all Gimme the drugs, pump me up, make me feel no pain, wipe off my messy baby before handing him to me, no one look down there except the doctor, etc. etc. Well with that kind of attitude I had an experience that, lets just say this time around brought me awareness and knowledge-guilt and frustration. I didn't have an experience I felt joyous about, heck I barely could open my eyes during my emergency C-Section, didn't even kiss my baby before they took him away to the nursery, where he wasn't held for 3 hours until I awoke from the over-medicated sleep I involuntarily had. Long story short. I didn't have the experience I hoped for because I had NO CLUE what I was doing. I surrendered to the hospital. My doctor didn't think it was important to prepare me, I guess that's an individual's responsibility even if its your first time.
So here I am, researching, watching documentaries, asking questions, etc. Realizing that hey, my Birth Plan may not work out, but at least I know what I want in those situations and can make it clear to my Doctor. I'm swaying in the middle regarding doing a natural birth with a Midwife at a hospital, or with my Doctor, or receive pain meds. My fear about receiving pain meds is it can slow down labor, therefore putting me at risk for C-Section, and even chance me not being mentally there for yet another birth. I'm also attempting a VBAC so a Home Birth unfortunately (which is very, very, appealing to me) does not sit well with my Husband, as VBACS can be tricky and require medical attention in a blink of an eye.-But so can any delivery. Anywho, I am meeting with a Midwife to get information, get a feel for whether this is something that I can do, and if not I am highly considering getting a Doula to be with me at the hospital to help make sure my birth goes how I want it to (generally speaking). SO. I am a completely different woman than I was with Levi in regards to giving birth. Heck, save the Hep B shot, petroleum on my baby's eyes, and Vitamin K shot. I don't have STD's, so neither will my baby, and she's not being circumcised. Give me my messy baby and keep her messy as long as possible. Delay cutting her cord as long as possible. Let her stay with me, on me as long as possible. Don't mention giving her formula because I look sleepy. Don't wash her with Johnson & Johnson baby soap filled with chemicals to harm her already non existent immune system. Please and Thank you.
I also plan on nursing. I feel a little guilty about how uninformed/prepared I was for breastfeeding with Levi and I just gave up after exclusively pumping for 3 weeks minus the first 4 days he latched on great. I was in so much pain I couldn't even hold Levi -after being engorged- on my chest. But knowing the benefits a baby receives from it (especially long term) trumps any pain I may face-which I know will be manageable because I will be prepared!---My thoughts exactly when it comes to pain medication in a hospital. I find it so odd that you can't have this and that, over the counter meds, certain teas, fish etc while pregnant but BAM go into labor and you can have pitocin, epidurals, other meds, interventions, and ever MAJOR surgery. Hmm and your baby is not affected. Its disturbing that long term research has not been clarified- but what's been gathered definitely suggests a parallel to asthma, allergies, autism and more. Fear the needle?
I did read that a woman having a pain free labor/birth is equivalent to 20 bones breaking at once. EEEk!
Whew. You see? These are the kinds of thoughts I have all day. I just want to do what's best for my baby and I, and I am seeking out the best way to do so in a hospital. Tips, advice etc. from anyone, I LOVE hearing stories.
As of late...
I am 19 weeks and 2 days! Almost half way there, what!?
I am having trouble getting comfortable at night, I get charlie horses in my legs, my belly gets stretched the wrong way while I bend over and it hurts like hell! I keep forgetting I can't twist and wind freely anymore. My cravings are actually not as strong as they were. I'm really not craving much right now, just lots of water. I always feel thirsty. Lily is kicking away, not hard enough to where Josh can feel it, just me :) And I kind of love it that way-selfishly. Just me and her right now. :) I get out and walk whenever I can-gotta love the polar vortex Ohio has been graciously faced with. Not. Its the worst being pregnant and being cooped up inside all day. I am looking forward to having a baby shower-as I've been informed with a second baby and different sex, its OKAY to have one. Ha. Which is good, because we have a lot of the big stuff, now we just need smaller stuff-bottles, binkies, blankets, wraps, nursing accessories, etc etc. Little things, yet important. I am working on my registry now, which is fun. Its exciting this time around KNOWING what I need. Not just what looks cute and is a waste of money. And also knowing what I'm getting into (unless she is up all night, never dealt with that-please sleep like your brother Lily!) And when it comes to the nursery/shared bedroom with her brother, being able to actually paint/decorate budget conscious of course. With Levi we were in my MIL's house while waiting to close on our condo and nothing was ready. Its exciting to actually do the whole get the room ready process, I've never experienced that!
Levi and I have been keeping busy in his playroom which he loves. I HATE not having windows down there and using the fluorescent lighting, but as soon as it warms up, we can do a lot more outside. I would love to incorporate some Reggio Emilia activities for Levi this Summer, and really get him exploring and learning in nature. I can't wait to roam around with him.
Levi is taking his time in the language dept. I know by now his pace is slower, yet still consistent than a lot of toddlers his age. But he's getting there! He's still on the 2 word phrases, but picking up more and more and I know it will only be a matter of time before he is talking up a storm. He is doing great in his big boy bed, loving his books more and more, loving to practice counting, loves stomping around in the snow, and especially loves doing sprints from the kitchen to the front door lately. Can you tell I want/need Summer so we can get outside! Levi literally doesn't stop smiling when i buckle him in the stroller and its time for a walk, he loves it as much as I do!
Josh is still working his butt off. I'm pretty sure I won't see him until Monday, as his classes are being made up this weekend ALLLL day, then he has to work 12's after that. His last week of class is next week though. Thank you Jesus!!! Its been a long 6 months with practically 1.5 days off a week. And I mean leaving at 7 and coming home at midnight during the week (except Mon, Tues Wed-He's home at 3) then Thurs-Sun night is awful. I am so looking forward to him getting the job we are oh so praying for and having him home in the evenings for dinner and on the weekends to actually spend quality time as a family and have normalcy.
Despite everything swirling around in my head, we are truly blessed. We are blessed with doors opening up for our family, opportunities, a healthy family, and of course a healthy baby girl on the way. Its easy to ball up my thoughts and make them seem like they are so important, which they are, but just not enough to completely distract me from life and lose sleep over it. Everything will be okay and work itself out. Deep breath, Hope!