38.4 Weeks!

Here I am. 38.4 weeks, with my due date approaching very quickly! I won't go into the details of how I'm feeling because how does every pregnant woman feel at this stage of pregnancy, 29 pounds heavier, in this Summer heat? All I will say is the second time around you feel every.little.ounce of being pregnant. The kicks are stronger, the emotions higher, the sleep more sleepless, the Braxton Hicks more painful, the urge to pee more intense, the days more exhausting. All that being said, I do feel pretty good overall.

Josh and I made a huge life change a few weeks ago, so that made time go by faster I will have to say. We were presented with an opportunity that came with it positives and negatives, and as an expectant Mama I was up all night debating it. We had people interested in renting our condo at a price that we couldn't really pass up. The question was, do we rent somewhere, buy something else? Well Josh's Mom-who has a rather large house, with an upstairs area that includes two bedrooms, a spacious bathroom and a loft area- offered to let us move in to save for a down payment, pay off debts/ student loans etc. Well. I was very on the fence. I mean I have a two year old, and a newborn on the way. We've done this before while we were waiting to close on our condo. I actually brought Levi home here for two weeks until we moved into our own place. It is very ironic to be back here, and bringing another baby to this very house. But I know logistically it will set us up to be financially ready to buy a house and will allow me to not use student loans this year. So we packed up our condo and within 4 days moved to my Mother in Law's. Call me crazy. I am. We do have everything set up and ready to go, so I'm just going with the flow and hoping for the best! God bless my Mother in Law who is so selfless and extremely helpful! And cooks yummy dinners! ;)

As far as Lily goes, at my last appointment, she wasn't "engaged" yet which was a huge bummer. I know a lot can change in a week, so I've been trying to keep up my walking, sitting on an exercise ball and saying a lot of prayers :) I basically have until 40 weeks to show progression and hopefully have this baby, because the chances of having a successful VBAC after 40 weeks drops a ton. I am still hopeful that I will avoid a C-Section, but I can't make Lily do anything. So in the meantime I am just doing what I can and trusting she will arrive into this world the way God intends. I have my 39 week appointment Monday, the Midwife will try and work a little magic, and let me know if I am dilated at all. In the meantime, you can find me doing figure 8's on my exercise ball! :)

It still feels incredibly surreal to me that I am having another baby. I felt this way with Levi too. I mean sometimes it feels like I will just be pregnant forever. Levi is showing signs of knowing what is about to happen, although who really knows how much he understands. I am excited to give him a baby sister and I know he will jump right into the big brother role with ease. That kid is resilient.

Its nice having Maddie here. She keeps Levi entertained and always laughing. It also gives me a break every now and then! She is a great Big Sister.

We did manage to get some maternity/ family pictures, and even though it was blazing hot and Levi was not cooperative we got some good ones!














XO

Currently

Today is probably the first day I feel rested, relaxed and actually on break. Yes we went on vacation, but I quickly learned what vacation was like with a two and a half year old. ;) There wasn't a lot of resting and relaxation going on. It was more like Levi's vacation. Up at 6 am jumping on our bed/falling off his in the middle of the night, tears after tears when it was time to leave the beach, running from us every. time. we. put. him. down. Going into it I had high expectations I think. I quickly realized that family vacations are better with a Grandma there ;) And maybe not 7 months pregnant.


With all of that said, it was such a joy to actually all be together for once. Josh's schedule has been insane the past 9 months it seems, as well as mine with school. So despite the madness and mood swings from a little blue eyed boy, we made memories. Levi experienced what it was like jumping in the waves, and my heart about exploded with happiness hearing a laugh I've never heard before coming from him. It was pure, elated joy he felt and we gave him that, we gave him that experience. He was extremely satisfied with unlimited sand to roll around in and play in, which was a plus when we wanted to just sit and breathe in the ocean air for a few minutes at a time. Levi ran up to numerous people saying hi, blowing kisses and hugging them. What a lover that boy is. He grew a liking towards airplanes as we saw the military jets fly over us numerous times. He would wave and chase the airplane then blow kisses to the airplane as it disappeared in the clouds. He learned that chasing seagulls may come second best to jumping in waves.


I was so happy that Josh was around for a solid week. Levi who always wants me, exhaustingly asks for Mommy 24/7 actually wanted Daddy to sleep next to him, play with him, swim with him etc. The cutest thing that just about melted me to the ground was when Levi always waited for Josh or I with a "Come on Mommy, Come on Daddy" so we were all together, then he reached for both of our hands every time we went on a walk. Even more heart melting was when he wanted to sit in the middle of us in our bed and he pushed our heads together to hug and kiss. Did I tell you this boy is a lover? He loved us all being together and it was enough to bring me to tears because sometimes I forget how much Levi knows and understands. He understood us all being together and it made him truly happy. So there it is. Vacations can be messy, chaotic, not relaxing, frustrating and limiting with a toddler, but if the outcome is a little boy being truly happy that him, mommy and daddy are all together then my heart is full. I would do crazy every single day to experience the feeling of being wanted and needed. His ability to love and his really pure and kind heart makes me that much more excited to give him a sister. She is already so lucky and neither of them know it yet.





















































If I think about what really matters, it was a wonderful trip and I am so glad we took it.


Currently being 7 months pregnant, I am realizing this is all real and will be actually happening in a few months. This, being a baby girl. I always pushed myself from getting super excited and consuming my every day with this new baby when it came to the room, the registry, the prepping etc. Now that it is almost Summer and we all know summer flies by here in Ohio I am needing to buckle down. I am thankful I am having a great pregnancy so far and still have energy to get things done. I start my online summer class in a week, so much for a break! So this week I have to use my time wisely. I have met three of the four midwives so far and I love each and every one of them. They are all unique and different in their own way but all have in common what's important. I love the stability and not being afraid to ask questions, and its refreshing that there is a common ground when it comes to Lily making her way into this world. However it happens, I am at peace with the women I chose to be taking care of us. I am now going every two weeks and my next visit I meet with the OB the midwives use. I've been prepped that he will give me a full and detailed VBAC consult and consent. I will also be asked to schedule a C-Section at term, which is my choice, but that will be their advice as the success of having a VBAC decreases after 40 weeks. This gave me a bit of anxiety, but I know I have no control ultimately how this goes down. I am anxious to meet the doctor to get his opinion, but I know it is important and I like that the option of meeting the doctor is even available to me. I am not spending my days stressing or worrying about how Lily will come into this world. Instead I am confident that she will come the way she is meant to and I trust those providing care for me to help me make the best decision for us.
With that being said, I am trying to get my butt out walking more with the more consistent weather we are having. Our pool also just opened so I am looking forward to getting some laps in too.
The baby shower invites went out. I am really excited to actually celebrate this baby girl. It is definitely harder with a toddler running around to meditate on being pregnant. Usually its not until late at night when I feel her tumbling around that I actually smile and talk to her.


I am experiencing lots of emotions about bringing a new baby into our family. I have such a connection and bond with Levi that almost seems incomparable to anything else in this world. Will I have just as much of a bond with Lily? Will she get as much love from me that Levi has had these past two and a half years? I know ultimately the answer is yes. But the emotions are still there. I hope to be as perfect in Lily's eyes as I am in Levi's. I hope Levi adjusts well and still knows how much I love him. I get a pang in my heart when I think about how Levi won't remember the times we've had just me and him. He won't remember the early morning dancing in the kitchen cooking breakfast, cuddling to Sesame Street, daily outings to play and explore, bath time giggles, me kissing his boo boos, our love for reading we share, the multiple crafts we do where he wants me to be right by his side, the clean up dance we do every morning when making his bed and picking up his room, the drives on the back roads with the windows down just talking to each other...etc. He won't remember any of that. It makes me sad. But I have those memories in my heart. We have lots of pictures, evidence of his first scribbles to his elaborate colorful paintings hanging up, and many years to make more as a family of four.


I think as a first time Mom we all have those thoughts like "Will I be a good Mom?" And of course the answer is yes.
Second time Moms like myself have thoughts like "Will I be just as good a Mom to Lily as I am to Levi?"
I just pray every day that God gives me the tools and the room in my heart to raise two children and give them both the love they deserve.

If I can make one baby happy and adore me then I can make another one, right? :)
Novel. Done.
XO

Lately-

What hasn't been going on lately? My mind has been swirling non stop with thoughts lately and to-do lists before baby girl Lily makes her arrival in July. Yes I said it!

We were SHOCKED. I guess you could say that deep down I thought we were having a girl. But I didn't know if that was my true inclination or it was just my deepest hope to have a baby girl. Either way, most people said oh its a boy, and I really started to expect that. Well once the gooey wand was on my belly, baby girl had her legs spread wide open and the Tech said, "Wanna know now?" And I said, "there's a penis in there isn't there!?" and she said, "No, 100% a girl. Never been so sure!"
Josh and I just stared at each other in complete awe. We've always made comments about having a little girl, that was Josh's hope, and we were tickled by the thought. Its no longer a thought, its really happening! Watch out Pinterest, Etsy DIY projects, and Nursery decorating!

So here goes why my mind is swirling. Regarding birth. Okay I know my first go round with Levi I was all Gimme the drugs, pump me up, make me feel no pain, wipe off my messy baby before handing him to me, no one look down there except the doctor, etc. etc. Well with that kind of attitude I had an experience that, lets just say this time around brought me awareness and knowledge-guilt and frustration. I didn't have an experience I felt joyous about, heck I barely could open my eyes during my emergency C-Section, didn't even kiss my baby before they took him away to the nursery, where he wasn't held for 3 hours until I awoke from the over-medicated sleep I involuntarily had. Long story short. I didn't have the experience I hoped for because I had NO CLUE what I was doing. I surrendered to the hospital. My doctor didn't think it was important to prepare me, I guess that's an individual's responsibility even if its your first time.

So here I am, researching, watching documentaries, asking questions, etc. Realizing that hey, my Birth Plan may not work out, but at least I know what I want in those situations and can make it clear to my Doctor. I'm swaying in the middle regarding doing a natural birth with a Midwife at a hospital, or with my Doctor, or receive pain meds. My fear about receiving pain meds is it can slow down labor, therefore putting me at risk for C-Section, and even chance me not being mentally there for yet another birth. I'm also attempting a VBAC so a Home Birth unfortunately (which is very, very, appealing to me) does not sit well with my Husband, as VBACS can be tricky and require medical attention in a blink of an eye.-But so can any delivery. Anywho, I am meeting with a Midwife to get information, get a feel for whether this is something that I can do, and if not I am highly considering getting a Doula to be with me at the hospital to help make sure my birth goes how I want it to (generally speaking). SO. I am a completely different woman than I was with Levi in regards to giving birth. Heck, save the Hep B shot, petroleum on my baby's eyes, and Vitamin K shot. I don't have STD's, so neither will my baby, and she's not being circumcised. Give me my messy baby and keep her messy as long as possible. Delay cutting her cord as long as possible. Let her stay with me, on me as long as possible. Don't mention giving her formula because I look sleepy. Don't wash her with Johnson & Johnson baby soap filled with chemicals to harm her already non existent immune system. Please and Thank you.

I also plan on nursing. I feel a little guilty about how uninformed/prepared I was for breastfeeding with Levi and I just gave up after exclusively pumping for 3 weeks minus the first 4 days he latched on great. I was in so much pain I couldn't even hold Levi -after being engorged- on my chest. But knowing the benefits a baby receives from it (especially long term) trumps any pain I may face-which I know will be manageable because I will be prepared!---My thoughts exactly when it comes to pain medication in a hospital. I find it so odd that you can't have this and that, over the counter meds, certain teas, fish etc while pregnant but BAM go into labor and you can have pitocin, epidurals, other meds, interventions, and ever MAJOR surgery. Hmm and your baby is not affected. Its disturbing that long term research has not been clarified- but what's been gathered definitely suggests a parallel to asthma, allergies, autism and more. Fear the needle?

I did read that a woman having a pain free labor/birth is equivalent to 20 bones breaking at once. EEEk!

Whew. You see? These are the kinds of thoughts I have all day. I just want to do what's best for my baby and I, and I am seeking out the best way to do so in a hospital. Tips, advice etc. from anyone, I LOVE hearing stories.

As of late...
I am 19 weeks and 2 days! Almost half way there, what!?

I am having trouble getting comfortable at night, I get charlie horses in my legs, my belly gets stretched the wrong way while I bend over and it hurts like hell! I keep forgetting I can't twist and wind freely anymore. My cravings are actually not as strong as they were. I'm really not craving much right now, just lots of water. I always feel thirsty. Lily is kicking away, not hard enough to where Josh can feel it, just me :) And I kind of love it that way-selfishly. Just me and her right now. :) I get out and walk whenever I can-gotta love the polar vortex Ohio has been graciously faced with. Not. Its the worst being pregnant and being cooped up inside all day. I am looking forward to having a baby shower-as I've been informed with a second baby and different sex, its OKAY to have one. Ha. Which is good, because we have a lot of the big stuff, now we just need smaller stuff-bottles, binkies, blankets, wraps, nursing accessories, etc etc. Little things, yet important. I am working on my registry now, which is fun. Its exciting this time around KNOWING what I need. Not just what looks cute and is a waste of money. And also knowing what I'm getting into (unless she is up all night, never dealt with that-please sleep like your brother Lily!) And when it comes to the nursery/shared bedroom with her brother, being able to actually paint/decorate budget conscious of course. With Levi we were in my MIL's house while waiting to close on our condo and nothing was ready. Its exciting to actually do the whole get the room ready process, I've never experienced that!


Levi and I have been keeping busy in his playroom which he loves. I HATE not having windows down there and using the fluorescent lighting, but as soon as it warms up, we can do a lot more outside. I would love to incorporate some Reggio Emilia activities for Levi this Summer, and really get him exploring and learning in nature. I can't wait to roam around with him.

 Levi is taking his time in the language dept. I know by now his pace is slower, yet still consistent than a lot of toddlers his age. But he's getting there! He's still on the 2 word phrases, but picking up more and more and I know it will only be a matter of time before he is talking up a storm. He is doing great in his big boy bed, loving his books more and more, loving to practice counting, loves stomping around in the snow, and especially loves doing sprints from the kitchen to the front door lately. Can you tell I want/need Summer so we can get outside! Levi literally doesn't stop smiling when i buckle him in the stroller and its time for a walk, he loves it as much as I do!

Josh is still working his butt off. I'm pretty sure I won't see him until Monday, as his classes are being made up this weekend ALLLL day, then he has to work 12's after that. His last week of class is next week though. Thank you Jesus!!! Its been a long 6 months with practically 1.5 days off a week. And I mean leaving at 7 and coming home at midnight during the week (except Mon, Tues Wed-He's home at 3) then Thurs-Sun night is awful. I am so looking forward to him getting the job we are oh so praying for and having him home in the evenings for dinner and on the weekends to actually spend quality time as a family and have normalcy.

Despite everything swirling around in my head, we are truly blessed. We are blessed with doors opening up for our family, opportunities, a healthy family, and of course a healthy baby girl on the way. Its easy to ball up my thoughts and make them seem like they are so important, which they are, but just not enough to completely distract me from life and lose sleep over it. Everything will be okay and work itself out. Deep breath, Hope!
XO

My pregnancy thus far...

Let me start off by saying that I look and feel pregnant physically, but mentally my mind has not grasped it completely. I am over the moon ecstatic to build our family. I've always wanted lots of kids and a big family and this is just such a happy time for Josh and I. Its nice that this babe was planned, although not expected so fast after only two months of trying-but, at least this time I wasn't balling and freaking out like I did with Levi--TOTAL SURPRISE--But I am still finding it hard to believe I will have two babies. I haven't had a newborn in two years, and its safe to say, I am feeling the nerves of another new baby already!

I am about 15 weeks pregnant, and feeling every bit of it and more. I never knew it was possible to look 28 weeks pregnant, have back pains, have trouble getting comfortable, needing to buy maternity pants this early on. It is crazy to me that this time around can be so different. I am having similar cravings as I did with Levi such as a bowl of Cheerios, Chipotle, spaghetti, clementines, hummus, cheese and orange juice. Other than the cravings, everything else in this pregnancy thus far has been very different than my first time around.

I am feeling anxious knowing I will have to share my time and attention with another babe. Levi has always had my attention when he needed it, my love, my hugs and kisses. I've been his playmate all day, his storyteller, his singer, his eating buddy since he was born. And I get a sad feeling wondering how he will be affected. When Levi was born I never knew what that kind of love meant or felt like, and he literally had all my love once he was here(despite his daddy). I've talked to Moms who have two kids and they tell me its completely natural when you have the new babe to love them as much as you love the first. I definitely believe this. But just like it was very surreal to me before Levi was here, that he would actually be mine and be in my arms, this time around seems just as surreal. Two babies will have all my love. And somehow, naturally, my heart will continue to grow when it seems like it can't grow anymore. I do know that Levi will be an amazing big brother, and he will adjust. My heart gets so warm and full thinking about Levi having another sibling to  share a room with, a bond so special with, and the memories they will make together. Its another first for  my little family and I am embracing this journey with a full heart.

Josh and I are exploring options within our living space. Here in this good ole' condo that will probably be home for another year or two, please don't say three. Levi and the new babe will have to share a room, as we only have two bedrooms, but we're going to make it work.

We are trying to transition Levi now into a toddler bed, so that by the time the babe comes we won't have any surprises. Transition probably isn't a good word, considering we cut out the crib cold turkey.

With everything we've transitioned, we've always done it cold turkey. The bottle, we cut that out without weaning him off. The binkie, we cut that without any notice. Everything we've done seems to have worked very well with Levi's temperament so we thought we should do the same with the bed. Although Levi could still have many months in that crib (He still has never tried to climb out), and its easier for us...I want him to be ready and comfortable when the babe comes. I don't want to have any new changes than what we will already have.

Levi has transitioned amazing to the new toddler bed. He's always been a good sleeper. As a newborn the kid slept 9 hours a night, and has been on an 8-8/8-9 sleeping schedule since he was a few months old. But I could almost have promised that this bed would be a free for all for him and that would change.

 So far, I lay him down at 8, read a story and sing him a song. We say prayers, kiss his animals and I tell him to close his eyes (and he actually takes his hand and closes his eyes, its the cutest). He  shuffles for about 20 minutes then is out cold. He then comes strolling in our room, around 6am, blankie and giraffe in tow, and runs up to my side of the bed saying "HI!!!" pretty loudly. Instead of putting him in bed with us to cuddle and get back to sleep (which we tried the first night and only made it worse,- my fault for putting him in his crib as a NB), I walked him straight to his room, tucked him in and said night night. He literally fell back asleep until 8:30 a.m. I mean this kid amazes me. He is so easy going, and laid back.


Nap time is another story though. I have to go in his room at least 6 times and remind him to lay down and sleep. Normally in the crib he would be out like a light in 10 minutes. I have taken all the toys out of his room so he's not distracted. He literally found a way to play with his 2 animals and blankets. He kept taking them off the bed, folding them, kissing them, then putting them back on the bed and repeat. Haha. I finally went in and took his 2 animals away and he cried because he wanted his puppy. :( I felt bad. But it worked.

Anyway.

Its important to me to take time to write about my pregnancy so far. Its hard to focus on this pregnancy with school, and chasing Levi all day. But I will make a definite effort to give this baby a few moments a day, as much as I can to just breathe and relish in the fact that God has blessed us with another addition!

XO

Reflecting on 2013

What a year it has been for my little family. We have grown, changed, learned, struggled and dreamed. I'll recap the highs and lows of our year. Its always nice to reflect.

| January |

Our little boy got his MRI (Scariest moment of my life to date) to ensure his dilated pupil was not caused by scariness in his brain. All turned out normal. THANK GOD. This moment really restored my faith, and allowed me to let go of some control as a Mom. 

| February |

We lost my Grandpa. It was a really tough time for our family, the last of my grandparents were gone. Forever. All we could hold on to was the memory of his laugh, his singing, his penmanship and his sense of humor. He was a great, great man. I miss him so much. I am thankful that he got to know Levi for a little while.

 

 | March |

Josh and I took our first weekend getaway ever as a couple, and for the first time we left behind our little man. I was a nervous wreck, but it was a much needed time alone. We learned how important it is to take time for ourselves. Our marriage really felt refreshed when we got back, and essentially allowed us to be better parents to Levi.

| April |

Josh and I celebrated two years of marriage together. Life truly gets better with this man with each year. We laugh more. grow more, and love more. Beyond lucky.

| May |

<Gasp!> We left our little man for another weekend getaway. We went to Put in Bay (my first time) with these lovely folks for Memorial Day. It was such a fun time and the perfect amount of time to sleep in, have a few adult beverages, and relax.

|June|

Josh celebrated Father's Day, we went to Country Jam (Horrifying experience), Levi was finally getting into the walking spirit. He was non stop running at this point. We had a wonderful, relaxing Summer together.

|July|

July was a busy month. We celebrated the fireworks, and we also celebrated the life of my Grandpa by holding a Memorial. It was so beautiful to see family from all over come in to share stories about my Grandpa and truly let themselves slip into the memories. 

|August|

Celebrated my sister Holly's 26th Birthday in Hocking Hills for a weekend of camping. It was another perfect getaway. It wasn't too hot at all for August and it was refreshing being in nature. Nothing but good laughs by a campfire. 

|September|

Josh celebrated his 32nd Birthday! We dove into Fall Season with bonfires, football and lots of trips to the park together.

|October|

I celebrated a birthday! The big 2-5! Levi also celebrated his Second Birthday, and developed an obsession with Elmo. He was Elmo for Halloween, and still wants to sleep with his costume at night. We had a lovely "By the Campfire" birthday party theme for him which kind of got rained out, but whatever, he still partied and enjoyed it!

Please excuse the lack of pictures for November and December. I have yet to upload them all from my camera! <bad mommy>
Here is some more of our year as a family:

| We began and ended our journey with Help Me Grow. Levi picked up walking at the end of Spring and attended school in the Fall. A month into school we were told Levi no longer needed services, and was right where he needed to be. So his case was officially closed. |

| I finished another year of school, and will officially graduate next Spring, lord willing. |

| Josh made a big decision and joined the Police Academy in September, which many people do not know yet. He will graduate in February. He has been attending school 30 hours a week Mon-Fri and working 40 hours a week Thurs-Sunday. So when I am down a lot about being alone, this is the reason. He has proven himself to be such a hard worker, he is so driven, and this is the most attractive quality a man can have in  my opinion. He really cares about his happiness and the future of our family. I am beyond proud of him. 

| Levi has had many firsts this year. His vocabulary has jumped leaps and bounds since the Summer. He is still in the two word phrases of his speech but trying hard to form longer phrases. He knows almost his whole alphabet and points out letters while we are at the grocery store, during a car ride, in a book, on a food carton. Anything. He is so so smart. We are working on counting and colors right now. As of now, everything is blue and most numbers are two and ten. ;) He loves to make big piles of all his stuffed animals and jump on them. He loves to read. He loves being outside and roaming. He does not like to be contained. He loves to color and take baths. He also likes to play with his Sissy whenever she is here. -And he is starting to use those vocal chords. Ha. All in all he has been perfectly healthy all year, has all his teeth, can undress himself, say a million words it seems, use his utensils, ask for help, and he loves, loves to learn. |

| I learned how to shoot manual with my camera. I even made a Facebook Page to get clients and practice on people. I have a passion for Photography and it has been quite the journey learning all that I have since this Summer. I haven't picked up my camera in a while to do photos for anyone. But I plan on it soon! |

| 2013 was a blessed year for our family. We celebrated holidays, we made memories, we laughed, we cried and we dreamed. Our goals for 2014 are: 

-Attend Church more

-Levi to have more play dates and socialize

- Josh to get a job doing what he loves (fingers crossed, could be soon)

- Me to stay focused in school and keep pushing through

-Continue to live a healthy lifestyle

-Go on walks as a family more

- Turn off the phones and TV and do things out of the box more

-Tell each other we love one another every chance we get

-Make memories that will last a lifetime

- Be creative

- Make Mommy and Daddy alone time

- Surround ourselves with only those who truly care and forget the rest

-Help out strangers

- FINISH LEVI'S BABY BOOK ;) |

I can only hope the Lord will bless us as we venture into another year as a family. I do not know for sure what this year holds, but I do know that I am blessed and fortunate to have the two best boys by my side through it all. 

ELMO!

Levi has been freaking over Elmo lately.
He was introduced to Elmo through his Sesame Street books, then at school when he claimed the classroom's stuffed Elmo. (Really, he carries it around the whole time he is there.) I thought since he's been TV free for almost 2 years for the most part, I would go to the library and pick up some Sesame Street DVDs, and I was shocked! He was just non stop smiling. Now I get why kids love Elmo. SO- what better Halloween Costume to be than your idol? :)

Levi insisted on taking his costume to the park, and to bed, and to eat. So this is what our trip to the park turned into. :)

Happy Halloween!