Valentines and love and kisses and hugs.

Let me start off with...

Okay, am i biased or is that one cute chunky-cheek baby? I warned you in my first post ;)

Anyway...

So i hope everyone had a lovely Valentine's Day. Single or not. I think Valentine's Day is about love for anyone really. I called my sisters, sent Valentine's to my family, and called my dad to wish him a Happy Valentine's Day.

I had class like every other Thursday, ALL DAY, and before i left i put out Josh's card with his Miranda and Dierks tickets tucked inside. I gave him a kiss before I left and said you have something downstairs, and of course--because he's a little kid,--went down and got it right after I left! He called me right away so excited, seriously his love for Miranda Lambert should be concerning to me haha. Its okay, i love her and Dierks Bentley so i'm just as excited to go tonight!

When I got home, i walked in the door with balloons and a card for Levi! He loved the balloons :) Then i noticed a bouquet of red roses and two cards. Of course one was from Josh--very sweet. But then Levi wrote me one :) I didn't know my Husband has been teaching my 16 month old to write while i'm gone, haha. It was so sweet. I keep allllll of my cards so its cute to have when Levi is older. Josh also got me a cute outfit to wear for the concert, he has some style :)

Then we went to see our friends Michelle and Evan who are about to have their first baby, like any day! We are so excited for them, because it was a journey for them to get to this point, and lets just say, boys are fun! I'm excited for Levi to have a little buddy he can play with, just a few doors down!

Then we went to our other friends' house, Leann and Kevin! She watches Levi for me when i'm at class, so i took Maelynn (their little girl, two weeks older than Levi), and found out they are expecting again! That is so awesome! Now my baby fever will defenitely be covered, and I will continue to wait 3 more year ;) At least until I graduate and have a big girl job! :)

Our night pretty much consisted of ordering Max & Ermas take out and watching an AWFUL movie--Bankok Nights? OMG don't watch it. the beginning is sooooo sad--like child abuse severely..then all of a sudden these kids get rescued by this man who teaches them to levitate? No. Don't watch--we turned it off, poured some wine and played Miranda Lambert. Josh is hoping the Pistol Annies make a debut. 

Levi is in the living room on his belly watching a "baby babble" dvd..I'm trying to get this kid to talk, i know he can--just like walking--he's a little stubborn and does everything on his own time. But i'm thinking the dvd--created by speech pathologists--should help? hmm. we'll see!

I have some studying to do soon and have to head to the mall for some things..then Levi should take a long nap-hopefully for Grandma's sake--and we are off to Miranda Lambert & Dierks Bentley! SOOOOO excited. Seriously Settle for a Slowdown, is like my favorite Dierks song..how old is that really. :)

Have a great day loves!

Words capture, Photos reveal

As this weekend approached me faster than i would have hoped, i was faced with a lot of emotions that all came spiraling in at once. Of course losing a grandparent is never easy--the bond one has with their grandmas and grandpas is soo special-and when it happens to you, again..well...what do you do to overcome the realization that wow, its not just grandma that's gone..its grandpa too. And when the other half is gone, its almost like losing the pair together-all over again.

After waves of emotion kept leaving and coming, over and over again, i finally sat down in my grandparents living room next to their bookshelf and took out all the photo albums. These photo albums didn't include the grandchildren--no brag books on this bookshelf. This bookshelf carried the photo albums that revealed true love as a wife, a first love as a new mom, then a second time around mom, then a third. These photo albums shared secrets, dreams and hopes. As I was looking at these photos admiring my grandma's natural beauty, and my grandpa's handsome smile--i became inspired. Inspired to create photo albums for my kids, and future grandchildren. I almost feel guilty for thinking pictures online was a justification for memories. Really, I would love levi and his siblings and their children to flip through their first baby photo, or the first time they took a bath, or their first popsicle..anything that reveals the love and innocence of their lives.

After looking through the photos, i decided to look for more in their bedroom on their other bookshelf. It was then i stumbled across a book of letters. Most of the letters were while my grandma was in Paris, London, Germany--communicating with her family. Then i came to a few discolored letters with the heading titled SCHELDON SCHOEN. I got all tickled inside--a real life love letter before their were phones! To my Grandma, from my Grandpa (I wish i lived before technology-truly) Anyway, it started with something like this...

"My Darling Regine, .......lalalala....lalalala...lala

lalala..i miss you and Michael. I am homesick and lovesick..

lalala lalala... I can't wait to be home and see you guys...

lalalla lalaalal lallaa... you have all my love,

Shel"

*Michael was their first born*

Obviously I do not have all the details in here, but you get the jist. Nothing too mushy, but reminding the one you love how much you miss them and can't wait to see them. Maybe i'm just a sucker for sappy, love, mushy, gushy stuff. But to me, this was also inspiring. I learned while going through my Grandpa's photos and letters, that he was an avid writer. He also wrote journal entries about his struggles & accomplishments in life, he has written entries all the way up until about 8 months ago. I would love to continue his love for writing into my own life. I do write in jourals, not as much as i used to.. but i feel it in my heart to write. Josh and I leave little notes here and there to each other & I have written a few dreams i have for Levi in a letter. BUT, I am thinking the bigger picture. I would love Josh and I to write each other every now and then, and continue to write to Levi and just keep all of the letters in a box. Sealed up, for the future. As the years go by, keep filling the box with words that capture our lives. When Levi learns to write, i want him to write his family, cousins, aunts etc. I despise technology sometimes. Okay, i know i'm blogging, i'm on social media, i e-mail, i even take an online class. But, i think how real you had to be when my grandparents were young adults. You couldn't tell someone over the phone, or through a text, or e-mail how much you loved them. Instead, you poured your heart out on a piece of paper, or you looked that person in the eyes and revealed yourself--pure, honest and innocent. No hiding behind a screen, or masking emotion through a text.

 

These past few days have brought me to reflection. I know--trust me--that life isn't easy. love isn't easy. and being parents isn't easy. Especially staying true to yourself through it all isn't easy. My Grandparents are together in heaven, just like they were together here on earth--together through it all--and they have been through it all. really. It is refreshing, even through the tears, to reflect on their life-together-as a married couple. Yes, they both went through immense heartache before meeting, but when they did meet that was God. God brought them together and gave them love, a life and a family. God kept them together through 38 years of marriage. God also showed me and our family what the vow through sickness and in health--thick and thin really means.

I encourage everyone to reflect on what is important to them in life. Not the super techonology world that most are invested in. But think about if none of that existed. What matters to you? What people can you not live without? If your life isn't complete without those people, then put the computer down and snap a photo of your baby smiling, and write a love letter to a loved one. Because in 38 years, your words can capture the hearts of your family and those photos can reveal the love and joy throughout your lifetime. 

Grandma got me hooked on Hazelnut and French Vanilla mixed coffee & Grandpa got me hooked on big band music-Ella Fitzgerald and Frank Sinatra.

Look at how gorgeous. My Grandpa was head over heels in love at first glance.

 This is all that matters.

I love you Grandma and Grandpa. My heart is heavy-filled with joy and sadness all at the same time. But i know you both taught me so much that i can carry into my future. I love you both. 

"Grandmas & Grandpas hold our tiny hands for just a little while, but our hearts forever." 

If anyone knows our family they know what is going on with my Grandpa. My Grandpa's electrolytes are way off and his body is giving out way too fast--he has made it clear while he was healthy that he absolutely does not want to receive anything to prolong his life--so we are left with just that. Waiting... 

We lost our Grandma on December 23, 2010 to cancer. The doctors caught it so late, she only was given a week to live. After thinking it was depression, then diabetes, then this or that..it was eventually cancer. Our family was shocked, scared, frustrated and lost. Our family from all over (uncles & cousins)rallied together, taking last minute flights, driving 14 hrs to be there right after her "sentence" was given to be by her side. My grandma wanted to be at home, and with Christmas around the corner, the family was blessed to all be together and support each other. I will never forget the day my Grandma passed. Everyone went to a movie/the mall/or to get lunch to let my Grandma rest and to clear their heads. They had all just been in to kiss my Granddma,and give her hugs, while she was slipping in and out, in and out. My mom, my Aunt and I decided to stay at the house so we could check on her, and clean the place up. Within minutes of everyone leaving, my Grandma passed. It was literally like she was waiting to have everyone's blessings and goodbyes before she left us. It was almost "magical" in the weirdest way possible. We were all able to be there, kiss her, let her go essentially. And all the while my Grandma hung on, and clung to her life waiting on her children, and grandchildren to say their goodbyes.

After my Grandma passed, my Grandpa was alone. Just that. Alone. He didn't know a life without my Grandma. My twin sister moved in with him to keep him company and help him process his feelings. Nothing seemed to help. Although physically he was healthy, and was still exercising, his heart was broken. And not in a way that younger people can relate to. In a way that can never be mended with "time"--his love, his wife, the mother of his children, had passed, and left him to conquer this world on his own. Their marriage was gone but that gold band still clung tight to his left finger. He talked about Grandma all the time. Talked about how love is so fragile, tender and beautiful. He whispered at night, "I love you Regine", he walked around the house, fixing her purse that still hung around their chair, straightening the pictures of them as young, new parents. That's all he knew to do. After two years of living with a broken heart, it really took a toll on his body. Within a year my Grandpa has lost a substantial amt of weight, lost his appetite, lost his words, his coherency, and after making it clear he wanted nothing prolonging his life...he is ready.

i know...

that this is a hard time, yet is all too familiar to us with my Grandma. With both of them, we have received such a short period of time left with them. I have gone to see my grandpa, held his hand, told him I love him and prayed for a glimmer, a spark--something that lets me know he knows me. I brought Levi in to see him and he opened his eyes so big, his lips curled up and his eyes twinkled. Levi shot him a shy smile and we had him there for a few seconds. But, that's all i needed. I am so thankful that Levi has gotten a chance to be with his Great Grandfather these past 16 months...but sadly, i know Levi will not have memories of him as he gets older. What i do know, is i will have memories to last a LIFETIME. I will not list all of them because this post is becoming emotional as it is..but i do know how lucky my sisters and I are to have essentially grown up with my Grandma and Grandpa. We have seen them strong and weak, happy and broken. But in these next days or weeks in my Grandpa's life, i will sing. I will sing obnoxious songs about absolutely nothing, because my Grandpa always did that. I will look at the love of my life and know this is not forever, this is until God chooses to take us away from each other and this moment is all we are certain of. I will look at my fragile Grandpa, as he is asleep (hopefully dreaming of my Grandma) and know how lucky I am to have such memories--that i can smile about. That i can share with my kids one day.

i know...

That my Grandpa accepted Christ just a few short weeks ago. I know that he is headed to a beautiful, beautiful eternity. I know how important it is to me that Levi have a beautiful relationship with my Mom and Dad, as well as Joshs'. Grandparents really are a gift from God, and I am so lucky to have called Regine & Sheldon my Mamaw & Papaw.

blah days can have some meaning...

this morning...
My Husband was supposed to wake me up since my phone charger is suucking right now. Well, he tells me he told me to wake up, but i'm pretty sure that's not true. Anyway, missed my class this morning--no biggie. But, simple things like sleeping in can do some real good for the soul. I got some extra cuddle time with my Hubby, which almost never happens in the morning, because i'm either at school or he is at work. Then, our little man woke up and he snugggled in bed with us for about an hour.
the little things...
for me are just that. Sleeping in and cuddling with the two most amazing boys in my life. That extra 2 hours just laying there in silence, where nothing else matters, not even the class i just missed--then suddenly hearing giggles as soon as Josh tickles Levi under the covers. Those little moments are perfect. It really soothes the discomfort I find in my days every now and then--especially the winter blues. When Levi plops his cheek on my cheek (to where i can hardly breathe--but don't want to move, because its so perfect), is when we connect. I'm his Mommy and he's my baby--forever. No one can change that. His love that he has for me is so unconditional- he doesn't care if i've worn sweats all day, have no make-up on, read him my textbooks about Education, whether i'm stressed--he just plops his cheek on mine--and that right there is love, he needs me and I need him. The bond my little family has together is one that cannot be broken. Seeing Levi look into Josh's eyes is the biggest heart melter i know. Josh is such a great Dad and Levi absolutely LOVES getting attention from his Daddy. The way Josh squeezes my hand under the covers while Levi is hogging up all his snuggles, the way Josh does little things to keep our marriage fresh is what is most important to me. Its not the fancy, flashy life--which is not us--but, its the little things that makes my world go round.

These two boys complete me...

OKAY, done bragging.

What are the Little Things that make your world go round?

Sundays are for starting a blog apparently :)

So this is my first blog with Blogger and I am pretty excited to enter into the blogging world. I already read so many blogs, i figured why not?
SO..
a cup of Hope basically comes from my dream of owning my own coffee shop with this very name. I am mildly obsessed with coffee. Hazelnut, 3 cream please. Actually, I really enjoy any kind of coffee, as long as it is hot and fresh! The idea behind this blog is to post my adventures as a new-ish mom and wife--as a record to myself, since my journaling has been lacking--and so this is a way to look back at all the memories in my life and a way to follow other women's blogs that i find inspiring.

Basically as an introduction, my husband Josh and I have been married almost 2 years in April! He is a southern getleman from Alabama, and with manners you wouldn't believe! He is my best friend, my rock and my forever.

 We have a beautiful--i mean beautiful--chubby cheek kind of cuteness son named Levi.He is so incredible. He is the chunkiest piece of goodness and is so stubborn/goofy/lovey-dovey all rolled up into one amazing little boy. He is 15 months old, almost 16 months already!--can't believe it! Being a Mom is such a blessing. It really is. You think you love your Husband more than anyone, until a little boy steals your heart. It is the best feeling in the world to have a gift from God that is all yours. Don't get me wrong being a Mom is STRESSFUL. I find myself full of anxiety, worried and protective over this little being. BUT, it is all worth it to wake up to smiles and cuddles every morning, and go to sleep with sleepy eyes and more cuddles.

Here is a picture to show you what i'm workin' with.--my little mini-me.

That's all for now loves. Follow my blog to keep up with a cup of Hope.