I wanna see you be Brave.

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

Love this song right now. The lyrics are so motivating and this is on repeat currently.

Hope everyone had a lovely weekend. Mine consisted of a sisters girls night! Holly walks in my house while CC and I are getting ready, and goes "Whooooo GIRLS NIGHT! Now drink up!" And dead serious, pulls three PBRs out of her purse and puts them in front of us. CC and I were like, ummm we're not drinking that. Haha. Our getting ready process consisted of me begging Candace to straighten my hair, because I HATE doing it. My hair is so thick and I get so annoyed half way through. We changed probably a hundred times and swapped clothes until we were satisfied. We headed to a Festival downtown and it was lots of fun! The only pictures we got were from my phone, so here goes: 

Sisters!

My beautiful twin. She makes me want to dye my dark again.

Selfie

Candace and I. :)

Our shoes :) Me left, Candace, right.

Holly enjoying her Big Mac hah. Why is she so pretty? / I really want her hair.

I really needed that water the next morning. I had beer, a margarita, another beer and a Jack and Diet-which gave me a big headache the next morning. Candace suggested I try a iced hazelnut macchiato, and WOWza. So delicious. This could be a problem. Maybe I'll configure a healthy version to make at home. Or not. :)

Then of course Levi and I enjoyed our time outside, and getting messy with pasta sauce. :)

 Breakfast outside :) In Halloween PJs. Don't judge.

This kid loves pasta, and especially loves getting it everywhere. When pasta is for dinner, he cleans his whole tray, and then rubs it in his hair-so he is naked. Bath time always follows this, obviously.

Then on Sunday we headed to my parent's house with Nate and Mira to hang at my parent's pool and drank tequila on the rocks with Limes squeezed in. (Healthy Margarita, thanks Aunt Kathleen for the idea!) It tastes better than a marg, not too sweet. Mira and I did get a tequila called Cha-Cha-Cha and its infused with lemon and honey. May be my new favorite! Try it!

I like how you can see both of our Levi tattoos. Josh's says Levi Joshua under there :)

I am overwhelmed yet so excited for a project we're tackling this week! When Josh and I bought this condo everything was painted neutral, pretty hardwoods floors.- We agreed we wouldn't paint/brighten up and spend money on this place since we wouldn't be here longer than 3 years or so. (Starter Home, really)

The only room that really needs a makeover is the finished basement. It has pretty hardwood flooring, but the previous owners wallpapered over ugly brown paneling, (the wallpaper was a burgundy with gold golf clubs)-ew.- which my Hubby decided to paint dark brown over. (Instant Gratification Issues!) Basically we never go down there b/c its so dark and cold. and you can see the paneling through the paint. Ha, you live and learn right?

SO. This week we are tearing down the paneling, wallpaper, and layer of paint and putting up really nice white beadboard to brighten up the space. Then we are painting the top half of the beadboard light, light gray and I will be accenting, with bright colors-probably a lot of aquas, yellows and greens. I have some cool DIY's in store as well for the room! (It involves baby art, Ed Sheeran, and brightening up old frames, antiques etc!)The plan is to make it a playroom for Levi/Hangout room for us that we want to hang out in. That's about 500 sq ft we don't use-and that needs to change-so we can breathe again in our place and make the main floor not a dumping ground for toys. I'm excited to change up this room and make it our own-and since this is the only room we want to put money into, i can't wait! Josh will be working 60 hours this week, so my Mom and I are pretty much doing all of this.

We'll see how it goes!

Happy Mondays loves! I have a lot of work to do!

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xoxo

Soaring...

Levi and I are settling into a nice routine while I am on Summer Break. He wakes up around 9am, we have breakfast, he giggles through his waffles, and then we play, play, play until nap-time  Its hard keeping a toddler busy-but easier with this gorgeous weather. I try to get Levi outside in the sun as much as possible for some Vitamin D. It does the body so much good. As well as being barefoot-I'll post about the benefits of that later on- :)

Today, I took Levi to the park. Usually we avoid the slides, jungle gym, etc because he's not too sturdy on his feet yet, so we veer towards the swings. Well today I decided to let him explore on his own and gauge how well he maneuvered around. I was shocked. I literally had tears welling in my eyes. Its crazy how a change in surroundings can motivate a little boy. He was walking all over, only taking breaks when he came to some stairs, in which he climbed like a pro! When he tripped and fell, he looked at me, smiled and I helped him up-then off he went! He is so much more controlled on his feet than a few weeks ago. He was so confident, and walked to what interested him the most. Mostly he followed the big kids and just kept laughing at them jumping and hollering to their friends. Levi is almost 20 months old and it is about time he starts getting sturdy on his feet. But its also so bittersweet-there is no turning back. He is going to soar from here, and there is nothing I can do to keep him planted right next to me. I have loved watching him learn and grow from being wobbly holding onto the couch around 13 months, to taking off and walking with a huge smile on his face at 20 months. He has a little way to go but i am beyond proud of him and will keep on encouraging him as much as I can!

This little boy makes me melt, laugh, cry, and best of all-feel like I'm doing a good job as his mama.

Little weekend of mine...

Let me just start by saying my days are so screwed up lately with not being in school, and Josh working every weekend practically. I had to keep reminding myself it was Sunday today.

Friday, Josh and I slept in with our little babes. He had a high fever Thursday night, and was very cuddly-I soaked up all the attention considering he hasn't slept on me since he was probably 8 months old. He woke up Friday morning in such a chipper mood. We decided to go get breakfast and drive on the back roads. This is pretty normal for us- Its our thing. Before Levi came into our lives we always did breakfast and back roads with some good ole country music playing.

Then we went to my parent's house with Holly and Mason and my cheery baby turned into a miserable, sick, teething baby. He  never cries. I'm not saying this to brag or be annoying to those mamas who have vocal babies, but Levi has never been a crier. So automatically when he cried every time I put him down, or someone walked in the room, or when I offered him food, I knew my little man was miserable. The only thing that calmed his little gums was a good car ride. 

Saturday evening we cooked out with some good family & friends. Another one of our things. I'll let some pictures do the talking there. And Levi was being such a ham, so I had to snap away.

                           

                           

                           
                           
                           
                           
                         
                         
                         

Everyone should play Card of Humanity. Its highly inappropriate and foul. But, you cannot be offended. If you play with a little bit of alcohol, you basically laugh hysterically.  Pretty much like apples to apples for adults. :)

Hope everyone had a lovely weekend! Its already Monday tomorrow. I have lots of crafts, DIY, tearing down wallpaper, working on a little something I have up my sleeve, and playing with my baby to do this week! 

How I learned to let go...

Day 30: React to this term: Letting go.

Letting go. Ever heard "Let Go and Let God?" Yeah. Story of my life. 

Let me take you back to post baby. This is where I have learned am still learning how  to really Let Go.

Postpartum for some, not all, but especially me was trying. It was in the months following Levi's birth that I really had a hard time with letting go of control. I wasn't a fun person to be around. I was snapping at my Husband for not using the right baby soap, or for buying Levi the wrong baby food, or for not getting up to help me nurse. I would build resentment towards family members who were doing things "wrong" when they watched my baby, or for giving me advice I knew was wrong-or not best for my baby. I was really a hot mess. 

I understand that this is pretty common among new moms-but it was at another level for me. I had anxiety really bad. 

I was scared to leave Levi in his crib, I was scared to drive him places, I was scared to leave him with anyone other than myself in case something bad would happen. I was scared to go to sleep, with fear of not hearing him in the middle of the night-despite baby monitors-. It all became worse when he used to stop breathing/choke on his spit up. Nurses said he never stopped breathing, but it sure looked like it. 

It became all the more worse around 11 months when were told Levi needed to get an MRI done because his pupil wasn't constricting. We literally got in to see an eye specialist at 13 months, and didn't get into Children's for an MRI until Levi was 15 months. The wait was dreadful. 

I remember the anesthesiologist looking at me when he put the mask on Levi's face and prepared to put him under. I was so strong up until this point. He looked at me and said "This is the hardest part. I have three kids and trust me you feel the worst and he won't remember a thing. He is fine, trust me." It was in that moment I started sobbing.There is nothing worse than watching your baby be put under while he is grasping your hand crying and choking on his sobs  and all you can do is say "everything will be okay" through your tears. There was a room full of doctors holding him down yet telling me its all okay-I was so confused, it looked like a scene from Greys Anatomy.After Levi went back into the dark scary room, Josh just grabbed me and let me cry. I didn't care that other families were back there. I had been holding it in all day, trying to strong for Levi and Josh. Josh had a look on his face all day that was pure fear. I cried and cried and said, "i need a coffee."  Then we waited in a cafe for an hour until the MRI was done-i just prayed in my head, out loud with Josh, anything to let God hear my desperation. 

Once we got back to the room we watched them wheel Levi out, and they put him in the hospital crib. We had to sit there, watching him wake up. I just wanted to scoop him up and give him some lovin's, but I couldn't. He had to be monitored until he was fully awake. Once awake, i held him, gave him some milk (he hadn't eaten for 9 hours) and rocked him. Once we got the okay to leave, we put Levi in the car seat  and I sat in the backseat with him. He was smiley and groggy all at once. That's my Levi. Always happy. I wish I could have his calmness and relaxed attitude. During the car-ride I just squeezed his hand and prayed. I really prayed. I prayed for the MRI scans to come back normal (Docs were ruling out brain tumors, masses, blood clots etc. In my babies brain!) I literally had no choice but to let go of the control. I literally had no control over how those scans came back. All I could do was trust that Levi would be okay. I cried and cried while Levi went to sleep that night. I picked him up in the middle of the night-prayed over him. Cried some more, knowing we would find out the results the next day. I felt peace that night when I went to sleep. I let go and came to terms that whatever it is, I will face it head on and God will get us through.

I made Josh call the next day over and over until they told us the results.

Finally they came back-everything was normal. I was shocked. Months and months of worrying-and Levi was fine. All we needed to do was a follow up with the eye doctor. I demanded to speak to the ophthalmologist immediately just to have him explain this to me. He got on the phone and he said Levi's brain was normal and now we just focus on his vision-all scary stuff was ruled out-I guess when these things happen with babies, they have to do MRIs since babies can't explain symptoms. 

I really have learned a lot about being a mommy. You can control some things, others you can't. In the months leading up to Levi's MRI I researched a lot. i wanted to be prepared for what it could be. But in reality I should have prayed instead of researched (cause lets face it, googling things is a bad, bad idea. Especially when it comes to your baby.) I should have trusted instead of doubted. My heart broke the day we got good news that Levi was okay-Because I know a lot of parents don't get that news. I am thankful for the lessons I am learning throughout my journey of being a mama and the biggest is Let Go and Let God.

Levi's 18 month appointment went great. His vision is fine and is developing normally! He may just have a dilated pupil, but I say that makes him unique!

Summer Spinach Smoothie-

I have lots of ideas for summer smoothies/juices especially since melons are finally in season! (And adding a little vodka for a refreshing alcoholic beverage seems like the perfect ticket for a hot evening.)
I made one today.
Here's what you'll need-
1/4 watermelon (I had a medium sized whole watermelon)
1 cup of strawberries
1/2 lemon
2 cups spinach
4 oz of Organic Limeade (Or you can use fresh limes) (50 Cal)
1 cup of water & ice
I let the lemons soak in the limeade with the water and then took the lemons out before blending.

It was very yummy and especially refreshing. Next time I make it I will add some more berries to give it a fruitier taste.

Day 29:-Music-my favorite topic.

The May Challenge is almost over-I have really slacked, but I can't miss today's prompt.
 five songs or pieces of music that speak to you or bring back memories



So a little forewarning: I added 7 songs. Not 5. That's like someone asking you what's your favorite song of all time? Its impossible to answer. For me it was hard to choose 5 songs. Music to me is an escape, a good time, emotional, and in the end savors memories-good and bad.



Here we go.
I melt-Rascal Flatts
Ah, this song-
This song was played during my first real kiss at the Rascal Flatts concert when I was 17. J took me on our first real date to see them and we literally sat in the very back row at Crew Stadium at the tippity top! He leaned in when this song was playing and we didn't stop the rest of the night. That relationship started that night and lasted almost 3 years. 

 I Never Told You-Colbie Caillat & 5:19-Matt Wertz
Ah, yes. These two songs right here reflect a bad heartbreak. When J and I broke up after almost three years it hurt to the core. Your first love isn't something you just get over. My roommate at the time can attest that these two songs were blaring in my room during the months following and there may or may not have been a bottle of wine involved-to the face.

Lay 'Em Down-Needtobreathe
But life got happy again-as it always does. This song did and still gets me through tough times. I suggest everyone listen to this one especially. Its a very powerful song-and sometimes when I just feel like I can't take anymore stress, uncertainty or what have you-I play this.

Are You Gonna Kiss Me or Not-Thompson Square
When I say life got happy again, it did. This song reminds me of when Josh and I were dating. We were kind of openly talking about a future together. He had just used the L word which we were both so hesitant to use. I really just wanted to shout it out-but, us ladies have a way of making the men make the first move. Anyhow, this song was always playing in his car during our courtship  if you will.


This Years Love-David Gray
When Josh and I were dating, I played this song for him and it immediately became our song. He loved it right away. Little did I know it would be the song we danced to at our wedding. When this song came on at our wedding and I was officially a Mrs., I remember feeling whole and genuinely happy. My heart was at such peace and I was literally in awe of my Mr.


Always-Switchfoot
This song-my goodness still makes me teary eyed. When I was pregnant this was my song for my growing baby inside me. When Levi was born I would play this song for him at night. Its such a beautiful song about growing and learning in life, and always having that person there for you. It is a Christian song and that's partly why I connect with it. I want to raise Levi with strong faith, and this song is a reminder that not only will I always be there for him, but so will his faith. I also added in Naleigh Moon-Josh Kelly it has the same affect on me. Its about his little girl him and his wife adopted from China.

I could add 20 more, but I am trying to stick to the prompt. Music is a way for me to connect emotionally. My memories are most vivid through songs that relate to happenings in my life. Whenever one of these songs comes on the radio, or on my ipod, I think back and smile and am thankful for the memories.

Memorial Day Weekend-

Day 28, Tuesday: Only pictures

                  

That was easy enough.