Day 23: How to love

Day 23, Thursday: Things you've learned that school won't teach you
  Oh this is an easy one huh? Considering I'm a new ish wife and new ish mama. School never taught you to be selfless in a relationship. It never taught you to believe in another person. School was all about building you and only you. Making sure you believed in dreams, goals and challenges. Which is awesome. Building self-concepts in younger soon to be adults is extremely important. But that didn't leave me ready to face the real world just because I had a diploma in my hand and was wearing an awful gold cap and gown.   School did not teach me how to love. How to love your first love, how to love your friends, how to be appreciative, show compassion etc etc etc. I have a laundry list of people I have hurt in those recent years after High School and its only because I didn't know. I wasn't ready to tackle hard relationships. I wanted things to be easy like when Mr. Trusley let you make up a test knowing you purposely skipped class to go get a coffee- (which is so true. How badass am I really?)   But ya live and you learn right? And so I did. The hard way. The really hard way. I lost friendships. I got my heart broken. To pieces. But you know what school taught me? A little thing I mentioned earlier-self concepts.Those kind words teachers tell you over and over to get you believe you are worth something, comes back around to pick you up and make you feel worth it. So that's what I did. I believed in myself and my dreams-I knew what I wanted. Maybe it involved people I hadn't met yet, but I was ready to pick myself up, work hard, be selfless and encounter new adventures in my life.   And I did. And look where I am today. I am a wife to the man that was always mine in the beginning-I just didn't know. School doesn't teach you this..but that little voice in your head during a realationship that whispers this isn't right over and over again. Yeah, you're not crazy. It really isn't right. Even if there is no good reason. Even when everyone tells you this is the guy for you and you guys are so cute, lalalalala. You're not for each other. I ended up trusting that little voice, and look where I am today. In the arms of my prince Husband :)   School doesn't teach you to be a Mom. Although if I lived in the 50's I could have gone to one of those schools that teaches you to be a wife, how to clean, cook and change diapers. Um, NO.   So I learned all on my own. It really is instinct when that little being is in your arms. You immediately check if they are breathing, have boogers, went poo poo etc etc. Still today, I go in Levi's room to make sure he's breathing. I know its a little crazy, but it makes me feel better.   School cannot teach you how to love so selflessly as a mama. It cannot teach you how amazing your heart feels when a little boy wraps his arms around your neck and kisses your cheek, or when he really just wants his mama and you feel needed and loved, by someone who cannot express their love in a way that is black and white.   School didn't teach me how to live my life. There is no fairytale over here at the Hicks household. But it is a home I feel proud of. It is a family I'm proud and choked up to call mine. It is the life that I chose to live.   School may teach us a lot of things, but it doesn't teach us how to love.    

Oldie, but goodie. New year, new baby, new marriage. Love.  

STOP!

Day 22. Rant about something. Get up on your soapbox and tell us how you really feel. 

 Today's prompt is allowing me to rant about a list of things that make my blood boil and make me want to scream "STOP!".

1. Someone who is opening a bag of chips or candy and constantly dig in and you just hear crackling of a chip bag for instance-followed by smacking-followed by more crackling and more smacking of the lips, then they lick their fingers until every last bit is gone.

2. When people are coughing and breathing like a freaking bear in hibernation. 

3. When someone is writing on a chalkboard and then they erase it to write something new, but they don't erase all of it, so you still see half of a letter here and there.

4. I really don't like when I see people destroy their bodies on purpose. God gives us health and we often take it for granted.

5. People who carry a one sided conversation.

6. Jean skirts with leggings in the summer. Or any season for that matter.

7. When you're eating candy and someone asks if they can have a red one.

8. Parents who bring their young kids to R rated films.

9. Students who prolong class by asking the most inane questions.

10. When you genuinely ask someone what's wrong (when there obviously is something wrong) and they respond half-heartedly, "hmmm? oh nothing..." 


These are only a few. I'll think of more later I'm sure. What drives you crazy?


xo

Life ain't always beautiful, but its a beautiful ride.

Day 20 of the May Challenge. Get real. Share something you're struggling with right now.

My sister keeps telling me I'm stressing myself out because I keep trying to make life changes or at least worry about things that don't need to be fixed right now. I've noticed myself doing this. I can't help it. When you have a child, your mindset changes and you can't help but focus on what is best for your family as a whole. So that's what I'm struggling with right now. Going with the flow. Let go and let God right? Relase control and focus on the positives. People who know me from a glimpse think i'm so positive and have it all together. Boy are they wrong. I try really hard to be positive but sometimes life is just not that way. Sometimes you really need to feel what you're feeling and welcome change and all the rest will come together.

This song says it beautifully:
Life aint always beautiful
Sometimes it's just plain hard
Life can knock you down, it can break your heart

Life aint always beautiful
You think you're on your way
And it's just a dead end road at the end of the day

But the struggles make you stronger
And the changes make you wise
And happiness has its own way of takin it's sweet time

No, life aint always beautiful
Tears will fall sometimes
Life aint always beautiful
But it's a beautiful ride


Keep on keepin' on.
xo

Sundays are for dancin'

Sundays are for dancin'
and so we did-
to the NO MORE MONKEYS JUMPING ON THE BED song-
So I always make motions to all the songs I sing Levi and he absoultely loves this song and laughs when I bump my head, or call the doctor, or shake my head no no no. Everytime he gets on my bed he just starts jumping and humming. So accordingly, we sing this. Over, and over and over. Today out of nowhere Levi does the motions to the song with me! It was so exciting, just like him making animal sounds the other day...he is catching on to things so much now and so fast it is so rewarding.
Bad parents of the day award goes to...drumroll...
ME.
Don't ever underestimate your 18 month old who is still not walking. Just because you run upstairs while he is busy with his blocks does not mean when you turn the corner your son won't be up 10 stairs already. Scared the living bejeebies out of Josh and I. We were at my mother-in-law's house and her gate wasn't up. I really did not think Levi would take off up the stairs. Think again mama. But i was proud of how strong the little booger is getting. Won't happen again though. :)
Why is my font so colorful today?

We spent much of the day cruising the backroads, playing on the deck, soaking up some Vitamin D and...the only picture I snapped today, imagne that!

Our daily nom noms. 2 cups of spinach, 1 cup of frozen blueberries, 1 frozen banana and 1 cup of Naked's Mighty Mango raw juice. Levi's was watered down a little so it wasn't too much. It was a delish treat for our warm afternoon.

All in all I had a relaxing day with my two favorite boys. Being on break should just be my reality. All. The. Time.

Favorite photo day...

A favorite photo of yourself and why
Well I take wayyyyy too many pictures. There are three that pop into mind so here goes...

I like this picture because i was skinny young and free. This picture kind of represents who I am. Coffee cup (a Christmas one at that), a good book and being outside. I was about to go on a date with my then boyfriend, now husband and we were going fishing. Those were some good ole days :)

I love this picture. It has always been one of my favorites. Josh and I had only been dating a few months and I remember this night being so fun on my parent's deck out back. We all just drank some beers and hung out. I obviously wasn't shy to be myself since I'm wearing sweats and two kinds of reds that look awful together haha. But we both look so happy.

Obviously this picture quality is not good, and was taken on my phone before I had a nice phone, and before instagram. But I still love this picture. This was taken on my actual due date, (Oct 4th) and Levi was still cookin'. I wanted to get out of the house so Josh took me fishing. This was our last date before meeting our little man. If you want to see how much of a basketball Levi was, look below..

That's all :)

Babies & Textbooks

Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it
Okay I'm late on this whole blog every day in May. I haven't been blogging every day, but i've been reading blogs every day, that counts right? Right.
Something difficult about my "lot in life" right now is this whole being a Mama and finishing my degree right now. Honestly I try not to complain because I do get more time home with Levi than I would working a full time job, and I get to have my family and close friends watch him while I'm in class. That in itself is pretty cool. But at the same time it is really tough. I hate not being able to help provide for my family. Lets be honest if my Hubs was a doctor I would love to stay home with my babes and take on that role, but my Hubs isn't a doctor, and well that's not an option for us. Which is completely fine with me. Its hard to sit back and watch my Husband work tons of overtime to provide for us. He is physically and mentally exhausted. I recently found out I have 2.5 years rather than over a year to finish. Don't get me started about advisors and their inability to provide correct information. I have about had it with inaccurate plans advisors have given me in my schooling.
I did the whole search a hundred jobs online with my partially finished degree and other options to just get out of school and work. Nothing is realistic or long term and would help our family a few years from now. So my husband and I talked and decided welp the best option for us long term is for me to finish my degree and Josh stay at this job until i'm finished. If we have to be tight on money for a few more years, God will provide. My heart hurts because I know what its like to be at a job you hate, and josh hates his job. But what can ya do? He's such a trooper and rarely complains.
I really feel like God has a plan for me to finish my Special Ed Degree and I keep praying the reward is greater in the end. If I can only trust God's plan and have faith in the end product, we can make it through. Instead of focusing on the school debt I keep piling up and the credit card debt and lalalalala I'll be able to push through. I know in the end it will all be worth it. But this point in our life is tough. Its stressful. Its straining. Its not ideal. And its hard with a toddler for real for real. But... I'm thankful for my faith, for my supportive husband, family and friends, and the strength to make it to the end. And the end will come. Hopefully sooner than later.  :)

Patience is a verb--

It has been a while since I've blogged and since yesterday was Mother's Day and I actually did pictures, I figured why not share my day/thoughts about being a Momma.
Levi and I have shared our second Mother's Day yesterday-Well three if you count when I was pregnant.
He has brought me so much joy and an undescribable love that touches my soul.
It is a kind of love that is refreshing, every single day. In those moments of pure mama exhaustion, worry and stress, Levi manages to throw his arms around my neck and kiss my cheek, or laugh so hard for minutes upon minutes. These are the moments that refresh me and keep me going.

Levi and I connect on a level that literally takes my breath away sometimes because even after 19 months + 9 carrying him, it is still surreal to me that I am a mama to this amazing little boy...and it feels like such a gift and a blessing.

I already believe in him, and his abilities. I know he is going to be an amazing kid, because he already is. I relate so much to his personality already and it is only the beginning.

Sometimes I notice others placing judgements on Levi because he is 19 months and not independently walking yet, only says a small handful of words, and doesn't verbally answer to what the animals or shapes are etc etc. But I think of it as a math problem: This is my kid:

Never cries or throws tantrums

+

Takes naps and goes night night with no problems, soothing himself

+

Chooses to eat fruits and veggies over snacky foods

+

Knows a few signs for sign language

+

Slept eight hours through the night as a newborn and now sleeps 12

+

Takes two naps a day

+

Would rather snuggle and kiss or play outside than watch a TV show

+

Loves brushing his teeth, reading bedtime stories, and taking baths

+

Rides in the car silently and travels great with no crying or fussing and only a few toys to keep him company

+

Warms up to strangers within minutes

+

Mama & Daddy have very laid back personalities

EQUALS:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The most laid-back, easy going toddler I know.

He is so smart and may not be saying 20 words but understands what we say. He may not be walking yet, but he sure knows how-and when he's ready he will. He may take his time with everything he does, but since when is that a negative? I think its a positive thing. Growing up is not a race. Levi has taught me this :)

I get frustrated when people underestimate him or try to constantly test him to see where he's at because if they knew him they would know that he gets it.

He is so so smart and always proves me wrong when I do let the worry get to me. He is always making progress and is a constant reminder of what the word patience means. Its not a noun its a verb.

Happy late Mama's Day to all the Mamas out there who live every day for their children. Who put off getting dolled up and wearing makeup to get messy and dirty with their kiddos. Who lose sleep worrying about their little ones. Who take pride in a mastered first word, or first steps. Who constantly have a mental list of what their child needs or what they can do to improve the well being of their children. Who work/go to school with little ones, or even the moms who stay home all day with their kiddos-we all know that is a full time job in itself. You are all appreciated and us mamas can all learn from each other.

This little boy lights up my life...

xoxo